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Fairy tales
Imagine that you’ve been invited to a party by a fabulous man who looks just like your boyfriend, if he were the man you always thought he could be, if only he’d listen to you. And after you get to the fabulously decorated apartment, which looks just like the apartment you wish your boyfriend lived in, instead of that grimy hovel he calls home, this fabulous man with impeccable taste suddenly reveals himself as your boyfriend, tells you this is his apartment, gets down on his knee and pulls out a fabulously tasteful solitaire ring and says “Will you marry me and live in this fabulous apartment?” You’re thinking this has to be a fairy tale, but eventually, you realize the fairy tale has come true. It has happened to you! Queer Eye has found your straight guy! You don’t have a fairy godmother. You’ve got five fabulous fairy godfathers. I have to say, it could have happened to a better woman. Her reaction was pretty much limited to … well, it was limited in just about every way. But then, this was a woman who was willing to sleep in an apartment that was basically a bar with a bed, and not like those chic bed bars with rooftop views and lots of netting and subtle lighting, like they’ve got in Manhattan. We’re talking a sleazy dive with a mattress. I mean, the guy had his own Jagermeister tap. She was also used to going over to his apartment, taking the sheets off the bed and washing them before she’d sit on it. I think it would have been safer to bring new ones every time and burn the old ones. If I had been enduring those conditions, and then walked into a bedroom that not only looked like something out of a Pottery Barn catalog, was large enough that the bed that didn’t touch both sides of the wall and wasn’t permeated by the stench of dirty laundry, I would have fallen to my knees and wept tears of joy. Not her. She just said, yeah, looks nice. Anyway. I’m glad the Fab Five are back, even if it’s the last season and Bravo canceled in favor of that tired show with the guy from Project Runway.
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