Hundreds of years ago, on the South Pacific island of Sese Matu, there lived a smart man who felt his station in life was wasted. He name was Povi Pulu. He desperately searched for a way to “make it big.”

On Sese Matu there was a dormant Volcano known as Tele Vevela, which had begun to show some life. The islanders began to worry and Pavi Pulu saw his chance. He told others that there was one man who could stop the eruption. Word traveled fast and the anxious islanders wondered aloud “who is this man?”

I am that man,” said Povi Pulu,” and I have the answer.” He went on to explain that the volcano god was angry and must be appeased. A virgin must be thrown into the bubbling volcano whenever he said so. There was a problem. Being a small island with a small population, virgins were a rare commodity. In fact the only virgin he knew of was his daughter, Lana Mumu. This was going to be a problem. Soon, some people began to think that Povi Pulu was “full of it.” The only thing he could think of was to throw the doubters into the volcano and, people being people, that’s what they did. One doubter said that the volcano was going to do what it wanted to, no matter what they did and he became the “Big Denier,” the ultimate sacrifice and the “Chosen One.” Sweet! In he went and the volcano didn’t erupt. Povi Pulu declared that if they didn’t sacrifice people the volcano would erupt in 12 years, killing everyone.

Povi Pulu became very rich and nobody was a doubter. He would preach that everyone on the island believed that only he could save them. 100% believed! Many years went by and Povi Pulu thought he might need another scam. He asked one of the islanders if he thought it might be getting a little hotter than usual and soon everyone begged Pavi Pulu why. “Island warming,” he said.

No matter, within months, the volcano erupted and Pavi Pulu died a very rich man.

Patrick Choate, Garrison

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